Dr. Laurie Santos - How to Find Your Purpose | The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos
The discussion emphasizes that purpose doesn't have to be grandiose or tied to significant achievements like curing diseases or founding companies. Instead, it can be found in simple, joyful activities such as collecting baseball cards or engaging in hobbies. Jordan Grummet, a hospice physician, shares his journey of initially pursuing a medical career to emulate his father, only to realize it wasn't fulfilling. He experienced burnout and discovered that his true purpose lay in activities he enjoyed, like writing and public speaking. Grummet highlights the importance of identifying 'little p' purposes, which are process-oriented and bring joy in the present, rather than 'big P' purposes that are goal-oriented and often lead to dissatisfaction. He suggests practical steps like conducting a life review, reflecting on childhood joys, and using the 'spaghetti method' to explore different activities. Grummet also stresses the importance of subtracting unfulfilling activities from one's life to make room for those that bring joy and purpose.
Key Points:
- Purpose can be found in simple, joyful activities, not just grand achievements.
- Burnout can occur when pursuing a purpose that doesn't align with personal joy.
- 'Little p' purposes focus on process and joy, while 'big P' purposes are goal-oriented and can lead to dissatisfaction.
- Conducting a life review and reflecting on childhood joys can help identify purpose.
- Subtracting unfulfilling activities can make room for more purposeful ones.
Details:
1. 🎯 Embracing Simple Passions for Purpose
- Purpose can be derived from simple activities such as hobbies, like collecting baseball cards, which do not need to be world-changing.
- Engaging with a community that shares your interests can enhance the sense of purpose and fulfillment.
- Jordan Grummet's personal journey shows that finding one's purpose may involve exploring various career paths and overcoming challenges.
- True contentment and purpose can be achieved after a process of exploration and trying different endeavors.
- The impact of simple passions can be significant, providing personal fulfillment and strengthening community bonds.
2. 👨⚕️ Personal Journey: From Childhood Dreams to Burnout
- Jordan's journey began with a childhood tragedy when his father, a respected oncologist, died of a brain aneurysm while working, profoundly affecting him at age 7.
- This event led Jordan to believe that becoming a doctor like his father would somehow 'fix' the world, creating a narrative that drove him for many years.
- Despite a learning disability, Jordan overcame challenges to pursue medicine, driven by a desire to emulate his father's path, which provided a sense of purpose and identity.
- His pursuit was not motivated by financial or career goals but by a deep-seated need to replicate his father's life as a means of coping with his loss.
- This narrative served Jordan well until it eventually led to burnout, indicating the unsustainable nature of his motivations based on unprocessed childhood trauma.
- The transition from purpose to burnout highlights the importance of addressing underlying emotional factors in career motivations, which can lead to exhaustion if left unresolved.
3. 🔥 Overcome Burnout by Finding Joy
- Burnout often results from pursuing a purpose that feels unreachable or unsatisfying, as illustrated by the speaker's experience of becoming a doctor to cope with a personal loss, only to find it did not resolve underlying issues.
- The speaker experienced burnout symptoms such as 'Sunday scaries' and morning stress instead of feeling energized, highlighting the importance of enjoying daily processes instead of just focusing on end goals.
- A key strategy to combat burnout is to spend more time engaging in activities that are enjoyable in the moment, which contrasts sharply with the speaker's previous focus on achieving a specific, audacious goal without enjoyment.
4. 📚 Discovering Financial Independence
- The speaker transitions from burnout in a demanding career to a fulfilling life by identifying and pursuing their passion for writing and public speaking, resulting in increased enthusiasm and joy.
- Initially, writing was considered merely a hobby, but by dedicating lunch hours and evenings to this passion, it became a central part of their life.
- This shift in focus not only improved their mental well-being but also opened new avenues for financial independence, demonstrating that aligning work with personal interests can transform one's professional and financial landscape.
5. 💼 Redefining Career and Purpose
- In 2014, the speaker realized financial independence after reading a book on physician personal finance, which highlighted the possibility of not working solely for financial reasons.
- This newfound financial independence initially brought excitement but soon led to a panic attack due to the sudden loss of identity that had been closely tied to their career.
- The speaker's career was deeply connected to their sense of purpose and their relationship with their father, necessitating a reevaluation of these aspects in light of the financial independence.
6. 💡 Lessons from Hospice Work: Purpose Anchors
- The speaker embarked on a journey to develop a life of purpose due to burnout and stress from their job.
- They applied the 'art of subtraction,' removing disliked job aspects like owning a practice and working nights.
- Finding joy and purpose in hospice work, they realized they would engage in it even without pay.
- This discovery allowed them to reduce their working hours to 10-15 per week, freeing time for other pursuits.
- Engaging in personal interests such as writing, public speaking, and personal finance led to podcasting and writing about these topics.
- Hospice work specifically provided fulfillment by aligning with their core values and offering meaningful interaction with patients, underscoring the importance of purpose-driven work.
- The experience in hospice work connected deeply with the speaker's personal pursuits, enhancing their storytelling and communication skills.
- Through hospice work, the speaker learned the importance of aligning work with personal values, which also influenced their approach to other interests.
7. 🧭 Purpose Anchors and Life Goals
- The speaker's life followed two tracks: personal finance expertise through blogging and podcasting, and taking care of the terminally ill.
- Financial experts excel at advising on money-making and investment but struggle with answering questions about life's sufficiency and fulfillment.
- Hospice patients focus on discussing life's important aspects and regrets, providing insight into what truly matters at life's end.
- The speaker suggests integrating the insights from terminally ill patients into financial planning to create purpose anchors that guide life decisions.
- Purpose anchors are defined as significant life goals identified by considering one's regrets and what truly matters long-term.
- This approach encourages addressing life goals and regrets proactively to avoid last-minute realizations when it's too late.
8. 🌟 Little P Purpose vs. Big P Purpose
- Purpose should not be seen as a singular 'why' but as actions that 'light us up' in the present and future.
- Viewing purpose as a high-stakes 'why' can lead to unnecessary pressure and anxiety, resulting in 'purpose anxiety' for up to 91% of people.
- Having a clear purpose is linked to increased health, longevity, and happiness, similar to taking a pill that prolongs life by 10-20%.
- To find purpose, it is essential to actively build a life around it rather than waiting for it to happen.
- Purpose is often misunderstood as an unachievable, grand dream, leading to frustration rather than focusing on achievable actions.
9. 🏆 Overcoming Purpose Misconceptions
- Little P purpose is process-oriented, focusing on activities that inherently bring joy, which reduces the risk of feeling like a failure when goals are not met.
- Big P purpose, on the other hand, is goal-oriented and can often lead to anxiety and a sense of inadequacy if large, audacious goals are not achieved.
- Social media and societal expectations can distort our understanding of purpose by promoting unrealistic standards such as achieving six-pack abs or starting eight-figure businesses.
- Many individuals struggle with identifying their purpose due to external pressures and the misconception that purpose must be grand and impactful.
- To overcome these misconceptions, individuals should focus on what genuinely brings them joy and satisfaction in everyday activities, rather than comparing themselves to societal benchmarks.
10. ⚾ A Story of Purpose and Impact
- Roman, a former high school baseball player who gave up on his dream after an injury, took over his father's antique store and discovered a passion for baseball cards accidentally.
- He transformed his antique store by incorporating baseball cards into his business, not for financial gain but out of genuine interest and enjoyment.
- Roman's store became a community hub for kids, offering them mentorship, a sense of belonging, and confidence, impacting their lives significantly.
- Although Roman eventually passed away, the legacy of the community he built persists, influencing generations even decades later.
- Roman's story illustrates the concept of 'Little P' purpose, which is achievable and can lead to significant impact and legacy, contrasting with unattainable 'Big P' purposes.
11. 🏜️ The Mirage of Big P Purpose
11.1. Introduction to Purpose Mirages
11.2. Personal Experiences and Broader Implications
12. 📅 Winning the Game of Time
- Focus on enjoying the process rather than just the goal, as time spent in the process far exceeds time spent achieving a goal.
- Happiness is fleeting; invest in activities that provide joy throughout the journey, not just at the end.
- Time is finite and cannot be bought or sold; control the activities you engage in as time passes.
- Winning the game of time means maximizing time spent on activities you love and minimizing time on those you loathe.
- Regularly review and improve your calendar by adding purposeful, enjoyable activities and removing disliked ones.
13. 🔍 Finding Purpose from Within
- To find purpose, focus on internal signals rather than external influences, as external expectations often serve others' needs.
- Society, marketing, and family may push their version of purpose that may not align with one's true self.
- Purpose is not found but created; it is built around "purpose anchors"—elements that truly resonate with oneself.
- Exercises to identify purpose anchors include reflecting on regrets and childhood joys.
- Reflecting on potential end-of-life regrets can help identify what truly matters and serve as purpose anchors.
- Childhood activities, when one was in a "flow state," can indicate intrinsic passions, offering insights into one's purpose.
14. 🧠 Purpose Anchors: Abundant Joy
- Purpose anchors are things that cause immediate joy and don't require a big, audacious goal to be valuable.
- Reflecting on childhood interests, like posters or hobbies, can reveal purpose anchors that can be integrated into life for greater joy.
- Purpose anchors do not need to lead to wealth or fame; they are about what excites and lights up an individual.
- Identifying purpose anchors involves recognizing activities or interests that keep you up at night or make you feel most alive.
- Most people have multiple purpose anchors when they let go of the need for them to be significant or recognized by others.
15. 🏥 Insights from Hospice and Life Reviews
- Dr. Jordan Grommet found deep fulfillment in working with patients at the end of their lives, which he didn't find in practicing general medicine.
- The concept of a 'Life Review' is a structured process used in hospice care to help patients and their families come to terms with the end of life.
- A 'Life Review' involves asking patients about their most important life moments, triumphs, failures, significant relationships, and regrets.
- The process of 'Life Review' provides a sense of peace to dying patients and helps them find purpose.
- Dr. Grommet suggests implementing Life Reviews earlier in life, potentially on a yearly basis, to help individuals live a 'good life' and prepare for a 'good death'.
- He believes addressing regrets through Life Reviews can be a starting point for understanding one's purpose.
16. 👶 Rediscovering Childhood Joys
- Revisiting childhood rooms and the items within them, such as baseball cards or poetry notebooks, can reveal one's true interests, contrasting with imposed career paths like pursuing a parent's medical profession.
- Many individuals follow purposes suggested by others, often influenced by their upbringing or societal expectations, rather than what genuinely excites them from childhood.
- The 'spaghetti method' is suggested for those struggling to find their purpose: it involves experimenting with various activities and interactions to discover genuine interests.
- This approach encourages saying 'yes' to new experiences and assessing them based on the joy or excitement they bring, aiding in identifying personal interests and potential purposes.
17. ➖ The Art of Subtraction
- To enhance job satisfaction, identify and list 20 roles and responsibilities of your job, then systematically eliminate those that don't bring joy or purpose.
- Focus on increasing tasks that align with personal interests or joy, like hospice medicine in the example, and reduce those that do not.
- Consider the example of a restaurant worker who prefers stocking over customer service, suggesting a shift to increase time in preferred activities.
- Negotiate with employers to realign job roles and enhance job satisfaction, making it a collaborative effort.
- This approach promotes gradual improvements by regularly reassessing and adjusting job tasks to increase purpose and satisfaction over time.
18. 🕰️ Building Purposeful Momentum
- The speaker transitioned from being a burned-out doctor to focusing on activities that bring joy and purpose, such as hospice work and podcasting, which he has full control over, leading to increased happiness.
- Connecting with others through shared interests, like podcasting and writing, enhances personal fulfillment and community building, which was lacking during his medical career.
- Most Americans have about 5 hours of free time daily, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, which can be utilized to pursue meaningful activities.
- Financial resources are important but not the only tool for a purposeful life; youth, energy, connections, and skills are also critical assets.
- Encourages using the 'art of subtraction' to minimize disliked activities and the 'joy of addition' to incorporate more fulfilling activities into daily life.
- Even small, purposeful activities, such as engaging in hobbies or online communities, can increase energy and expand one's sense of purpose over time.
19. 🔄 Recap of Purpose-Finding Tips
- Momentum builds over time with small actions towards finding purpose. The hardest part is the initial action, but once started, it becomes addictive.
- Autonomy and control over one's life can enhance the feeling of purpose, making it hard to stop seeking it.
- Tip 1: Avoid 'purpose mirages' like wealth and fame, which are not realistic life-transforming goals. Focus on small, immediate actions that provide 'little PE purpose.'
- Tip 2: Ensure your purpose is personal and not influenced by the desire to impress others.
- Tip 3: View purpose as an ongoing process rather than a final goal, and engage in activities that bring joy.
- Tip 4: Conduct a life review to address regrets and take action while there's time.
- Tip 5: Reflect on childhood passions for clues to adult joy.
- Tip 6: Use the 'spaghetti method' by experimenting with various activities to discover what provides purpose.
- Tip 7: Focus on subtraction by eliminating negative and boring aspects of life.