TEDx Talks - Lessons for My Son on Becoming a 21st Century Man | Jeramy Wallace | TEDxWest Valley College
The speaker addresses a perceived crisis in masculinity, where men and boys are falling behind in various societal metrics. Richard Reeves' book is referenced, which argues that institutions are failing men and boys. However, the speaker believes that men are not adapting to societal changes. He criticizes the response of men to this crisis, highlighting negative behaviors such as blaming others and not engaging in self-reflection. The speaker suggests that historical models of masculinity, despite their flaws, offer valuable lessons in honor, bravery, and social responsibility. He emphasizes the importance of raising boys to be compassionate, adaptable, and socially responsible men. The speaker shares a personal message to his son, encouraging him to be a compassionate, curious, and hardworking individual who adapts to changing times while maintaining core principles.
Key Points:
- Men and boys are falling behind in education, income, and employment.
- Institutions may not be failing men; instead, men are not adapting to societal changes.
- Historical models of masculinity, despite flaws, offer valuable lessons in honor and social responsibility.
- Raising boys to be compassionate, adaptable, and socially responsible is crucial.
- Encouraging open-mindedness, hard work, and emotional intelligence in young men is essential.
Details:
1. 📉 Crisis in Manhood: Falling Behind
- Men and boys in the United States are experiencing a crisis, falling behind in education, income, employment, and other social and economic measures.
- In education, boys are underperforming compared to girls, with lower high school graduation rates and college enrollment.
- Employment data shows a decline in workforce participation among men, particularly in industries traditionally dominated by males.
- Income inequality is growing, with men experiencing stagnation or decline in wages compared to historical trends.
- Brookings Institute fellow Richard Reeves highlights in his book 'Of Boys and Men' that current institutions like schools, the economy, and cultural norms are failing to effectively support men and boys.
- Cultural norms and changing economic structures have not adapted to address the unique challenges faced by men, leading to increased mental health issues and social disconnection.
- The crisis indicates a significant shift where men, in particular, are increasingly being left behind in these critical areas, with long-term implications for society if not addressed.
2. 🤔 Disagreement on Causes
- There is a recognition that men and boys are falling behind in a changing society, as supported by data, indicating a societal issue that needs addressing.
- The key disagreement lies in identifying the cause: some argue that it is not the institutions failing men and boys, but rather men's resistance to adapting to societal changes, highlighting a need for personal responsibility and adaptation.
- Evidence from social media and YouTube suggests men are aware of losing ground but are not responding constructively, pointing to a gap between awareness and action.
- Instead of self-reflection and hard work, the response observed is largely negative, including blaming others and avoiding responsibility, which may perpetuate the issue rather than resolve it.
3. 🌐 Digital World Pressures and Dangers
- Parents are increasingly keeping children indoors to protect them from outdoor dangers, which inadvertently leads to more screen time, exposing them to digital world dangers.
- Screens and technology are becoming the primary distraction for children, but the real threats lie within the digital environment, where harmful content is accessible.
- Boys and young men are often led from harmless content to the 'manosphere,' a community where negative views about women are prevalent, contributing to distorted perceptions of masculinity.
- The 'manosphere' includes influencers and men's rights activists who blame women for various issues and sometimes advocate violence, furthering radicalization.
- Tech companies play a role in facilitating this radicalization by allowing such communities to thrive, impacting young men's views on masculinity negatively.
4. 📜 Historical Models of Masculinity
- Historical models of masculinity, such as chivalry and the Victorian gentleman, have evolved over centuries, providing moral frameworks and ideals for men and boys to aspire to, such as honor, bravery, and courtesy.
- Chivalric tales like 'Mort le Roi' and 'Sir Gawain and the Green Knight' taught values of chivalry, serving as moral compasses for men and boys, despite the fact that not all lived up to these ideals.
- The Victorian gentleman model emphasized honor, politeness, bravery, and a sense of 'noblesse oblige,' which is a duty to support those less fortunate, indicating an obligation to society.
- During the World Wars, these ideals further evolved into the concept of the gentleman as a warrior, exemplified by leaders like Eisenhower and Churchill, who embodied heroism and the fight against fascism.
- Despite their noble aspects, these historical models are flawed, with past complicity in acts of genocide, colonization, and marginalization of women, highlighting the importance of critically evaluating these models.
- The speaker suggests recognizing the noble aspects of these models that have suppressed anarchy and fascism and sustained social order, while not adopting them wholesale due to their historical flaws.
- Modern interpretations of these models often emphasize their positive aspects, such as leadership and integrity, but also incorporate a more inclusive understanding that challenges traditional gender roles.
- Contemporary masculinity can draw lessons from these historical models by focusing on core values like courage and responsibility while rejecting outdated notions of superiority and exclusion.
5. 🔍 Defining Positive Masculinity
- Acknowledge that the perception of masculinity can contribute to social issues, but it's important to differentiate between harmful stereotypes and the majority of men who don't fit these images.
- Recognize that masculinity will remain as long as men exist, so the focus should be on creating a sustainable model of masculinity that aligns with positive values, distancing from harmful stereotypes.
- Suggest actionable strategies for redefining masculinity, such as promoting emotional intelligence, empathy, and respect for others.
- Highlight examples of positive masculinity in various cultures or communities to provide concrete illustrations of these values in action.
6. 👨👦 A Father's Message to His Son
- Fathers, coaches, and teachers play a crucial role in raising boys to be decent individuals.
- The speaker expresses a strong desire for his son, Charlie, to grow into a good, decent, and adaptable man.
- He emphasizes the importance of being a 'Timeless gentleman' who adapts with changing societal roles while staying true to core principles.
- Compassion is highlighted as a vital quality, especially toward those with less power and privilege.
- Encourages being an unapologetic feminist, anti-racist, and supporter of LGBTQ rights, emphasizing the importance of dignity and humanity for all.
- Stresses the need to protest against genocide and terrorism, and to not relish in others' suffering.
- Promotes the idea that toughness and sensitivity are not mutually exclusive traits.
- Urges practicing equanimity and controlling emotions, suggesting it's important to express emotions in appropriate settings.
- Advocates for being curious, pursuing knowledge, and being a critical thinker to avoid manipulation by despots and oligarchs.
- Highlights the value of learning from history to prevent repeating past atrocities and avoiding ignorance.
- Recommends perseverance through adversity and possessing grit, criticizing entitlement without effort.
- Emphasizes hard work and the necessity of striving for life and liberty without blaming others for failures.
- Acknowledges personal imperfections and the importance of striving to live by these ideals, encouraging getting back up after failures.