The Holistic Psychologist - These traits will get you the relationship you've always wanted
The speaker addresses individuals who have experienced complex trauma and often find themselves in dysfunctional relationships. They highlight the importance of recognizing patterns of unmet needs and emotional abuse in past relationships. To attract emotionally healthy partners, individuals should focus on self-reflection and personal growth. Key traits include having clear values, taking care of oneself, managing unresolved anger, and actively seeking new connections. The speaker emphasizes that emotionally healthy people seek partners who are also emotionally healthy, and that personal development naturally attracts similar individuals. Practical steps include identifying and living by one's values, improving self-care routines, understanding and expressing anger healthily, and engaging in new social activities to meet potential partners.
Key Points:
- Identify and live by clear personal values to attract partners with similar values.
- Focus on self-care, including diet, sleep, and personal development, to improve overall well-being.
- Address unresolved anger through healthy expression and self-awareness to prevent projecting onto others.
- Actively seek new social experiences and connections to meet emotionally healthy individuals.
- Give new relationships time to develop, even if initial attraction isn't strong, as this may indicate a healthier match.
Details:
1. 🌱 Understanding Complex Trauma and Relationships
1.1. Understanding Complex Trauma
1.2. Effects on Relationships
2. 🔄 Patterns of Dysfunctional Relationships
- Individuals generally seek partners who are responsible, autonomous adults that enhance their lives and with whom they can collaborate.
- People tend to leave relationships when they recognize their partner is not capable of mutual enrichment.
- Individuals with complex trauma often struggle to leave dysfunctional relationships due to issues with abandonment, preferring to stay rather than face overwhelming feelings of loss and rejection.
- Complex trauma can lead to patterns where individuals prioritize avoiding perceived abandonment over their own well-being, often resulting in prolonged dysfunctional relationships.
- For a healthier relationship dynamic, individuals with complex trauma may benefit from therapy focused on building self-worth and addressing fears of abandonment.
3. 🕵️ Reflecting on Your "Picker"
- Individuals often say their "picker" is off, meaning they choose partners who aren't suitable due to underlying trauma or self-worth issues.
- Improving one's "picker" involves stepping back from relationships and engaging in self-reflection to choose partners more consciously and intentionally.
- The common belief that finding the right person requires searching harder is challenged; instead, working on oneself and developing healthier habits can naturally attract suitable partners.
- Emotionally healthy individuals are attracted to others with similar traits, emphasizing the importance of personal growth in attracting the right partners.
4. 📜 Living Your Values to Attract the Right Partner
- Healthy relationships are attracted to individuals with clear and lived values.
- Identify and live your personal values to attract partners who share similar priorities.
- To attract someone who values family, demonstrate capabilities in providing emotional and physical support.
- For financial independence, learn and apply budgeting and financial skills in your own life.
- Identify personal values by reflecting on past experiences and considering what truly brings fulfillment.
- Engage in activities that reinforce your values, such as volunteering for community service if you value helping others.
- Use journaling to regularly reflect on whether your actions align with your stated values.
- Seek feedback from friends and family to ensure your values are evident in your daily life.
5. 🧘♀️ Self-Care and Anger Management
- Engaging in self-care is vital for attracting emotionally healthy individuals. This includes managing diet, maintaining a regular sleep schedule, moderating alcohol intake, and participating in activities that enhance health and happiness.
- Post-breakup, taking a break from dating to focus on self-care helps individuals meet others who prioritize their well-being.
- Unresolved anger often arises from unmet needs or violated boundaries. Addressing this anger is crucial to prevent it from affecting relationships.
- Recognizing anger and expressing it healthily, through methods like breath work, meditation, or physical exercise, can improve emotional health and prevent misdirected blame.
6. 🌟 Putting Yourself Out There and Embracing Connections
- To attract healthier relationships, actively put yourself out there and meet new people, rather than expecting connections to happen on their own.
- Engage in new experiences, such as going on dates, answering messages on dating apps, starting new hobbies, or joining new groups.
- Isolation or half-hearted efforts limit opportunities to connect with people who might be a good fit in your life.
- It's important to practice giving people a chance and allowing relationships to develop gradually, even if there aren't immediate sparks.
- A relationship that doesn't immediately give you anxious butterflies might be healthier in the long term.