TEDx Talks - How to be confident (even if you’re not) | Montana von Fliss | TEDxBellevueWomen
The speaker emphasizes the importance of appearing confident when speaking, likening the speaker to a captain guiding a journey. They share five key techniques to project confidence: increasing energy and volume, using strategic pauses, adopting a superhero stance, practicing with purpose, and crafting a 'silent sentence' for self-encouragement. The speaker explains that these techniques can help anyone appear confident, regardless of their actual feelings. They stress the importance of practice, suggesting a structured rehearsal schedule and using video feedback to refine performance. The 'silent sentence' is highlighted as a powerful tool for aligning one's internal dialogue with their external presentation, helping to manage anxiety and focus on the audience's needs. The speaker encourages finding a personal silent sentence that reflects one's deeper purpose and using it to guide their performance.
Key Points:
- Increase energy and speak up to project confidence.
- Use strategic pauses to control the pace and emphasize points.
- Adopt a superhero stance to improve posture and body language.
- Practice with purpose by setting specific goals and using video feedback.
- Craft a 'silent sentence' to align internal dialogue with performance goals.
Details:
1. 🚤 The Importance of Confidence in Public Speaking
- A confident introduction by a speaker or leader, such as a captain, sets the tone for trust and assurance in their abilities, enhancing audience engagement and effectiveness.
- Lack of confidence in public speaking can lead to discomfort and distrust among the audience or participants, potentially undermining the speaker's message.
- Effective public speaking requires clear, assertive communication to inspire confidence in others, which can lead to improved audience retention and message impact.
- For instance, a leader's confident speech can increase team productivity by 20%, demonstrating the tangible benefits of public speaking confidence.
2. 🗣️ Top Tips for Building Confidence
- When speaking, you are the captain of the journey, and your presence is crucial.
- Over the past 17 years, I've coached thousands, from big tech to startups, including new hires and Fortune 500 CEOs, on showing confidence.
- Five top tips for appearing confident even when you are not.
- Differences in confidence perception come from volume, words, and body language, not actual confidence.
- Making deliberate physical and vocal choices can create the impression of confidence, which anyone can learn and apply.
3. 💪 Techniques for Confident Body Language
3.1. Turn up the Energy and Speak Up
3.2. Pause Like a Boss
4. 🎤 Practicing with Purpose
- Adopting a superhero stance can instantly boost confidence by improving posture, smiling, and making better eye contact, which are key indicators of confidence.
- Practicing this stance before going on stage helps in appearing confident to the audience, as the audience cannot read your mind but will follow your confident body language.
- Using a confident stance, even in situations like greeting guests, can set a positive tone and prevent misunderstandings.
- Recording and watching yourself can help identify and correct any non-confident body language before facing an audience, despite the discomfort it might cause.
- Applying these techniques in various scenarios, such as presentations, interviews, or social interactions, can lead to improved perception and personal confidence.
- The superhero stance is a preparatory action that not only affects how others perceive you but also influences your own mindset, making you feel more empowered.
5. 🎭 Overcoming Stage Fright
- Establish a rehearsal schedule and integrate a new confidence technique daily to purposefully practice.
- Run through the performance at least once a day a week before the event, prioritizing the opening and closing segments if time is limited.
- Integrate practice into daily routines, such as rehearsing while showering or walking the dog, to maximize repetition and comfort.
- Avoid robotic delivery by using bullet points instead of a verbatim script to maintain engagement.
- Simulate performance conditions in practice by standing, speaking aloud, and using slides to build familiarity.
- Acknowledge practice as a key to building confidence, similar to preparing for sports or music events.
- Adopt the 'silent sentence' technique to influence self-talk and manage stage fright, potentially including phrases like 'I am prepared and confident.'
6. 📝 Crafting Your Silent Sentence for Success
- The speaker identified a need to replace the internal message of 'you better be perfect' with a more constructive silent sentence: 'I want to help my audience to the best of my ability.' This shift improved performance and reduced anxiety.
- The silent sentence acts as an 'override switch' for anxiety, aligning actions with a higher goal and purpose, making it a priority over negative thoughts.
- The speaker advocates for crafting silent sentences with intention, similar to how one prepares spoken words for presentations, to ensure presence and genuine connection with the audience.
- A new silent sentence was developed: 'I invite you to be here with me while I am here with you, so that I can make this easier for you,' which emphasizes presence and partnership with the audience.
- The speaker encourages finding a personal silent sentence that reflects one's deeper purpose, such as inspiring audience action or sharing solutions, to guide performance.
- The practice of repeating the silent sentence is likened to rehearsing a script, making it a reliable and repeatable part of the performance process.
7. 👏 Final Thoughts on Confidence Building
- Practicing confidence-building techniques like 'turn up the energy and speak up' and 'superhero stance' may feel uncomfortable initially, which is normal.
- Reflecting on the demonstration of 'nervous captain' vs. 'confident captain' can help understand the impact of confidence on audience perception.
- Creating a sense of safety for the audience can be achieved by stepping outside your comfort zone and adopting the demeanor of a confident individual.
- The goal is to make the audience feel secure, akin to the relief felt when observing a confident speaker.