TEDx Talks - 3 steps to finding confidence | Kris Kelso | TEDxOldHickory
The speaker shares their journey of starting a business without formal education and encountering the advice 'fake it till you make it,' which they find problematic due to its inherent dishonesty and potential to exacerbate impostor syndrome. Instead, they propose 'humble confidence,' which combines humility and confidence to foster genuine growth and learning. The speaker outlines three behaviors to cultivate humble confidence: admitting when you don't know something, reorienting confidence from having answers to finding them, and openly sharing mistakes as learning opportunities. These practices help avoid the stress and inefficiency of pretending to be competent and encourage a more authentic and productive approach to personal and professional development.
Key Points:
- Avoid 'fake it till you make it' as it promotes dishonesty and insecurity.
- Embrace 'humble confidence' by admitting when you don't know something.
- Shift confidence from having answers to the ability to find them.
- Share mistakes openly as learning opportunities, not failures.
- Focus on learning and growth rather than image management.
Details:
1. 📚 Starting a Business Without Formal Education
- In 2007, at age 31, the speaker started their first real business without any formal business training or education, highlighting that formal education is not a prerequisite for entrepreneurship.
- The speaker acquired knowledge by purchasing and reading a stack of books on various essential business topics such as marketing, finance, sales, and contract writing, demonstrating a self-directed approach to learning.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of proactive learning and self-education in the absence of formal training, as they took concrete steps to acquire necessary business knowledge.
- A recurring piece of advice received was 'fake it till you make it,' indicating the value of confidence and perseverance in early-stage business development.
2. ❌ Critiquing 'Fake It Till You Make It' Advice
2.1. Ethical Critiques
2.2. Psychological Impacts
2.3. Counterarguments and Examples
3. 😅 The Dangers of Proud Insecurity
- Entrepreneurial journey includes multiple business startups and industry changes, indicating adaptability and a willingness to learn.
- The speaker enjoys experimenting with new ventures, but this often leads to feeling overwhelmed and learning in real-time.
- 'Fake it till you make it' approach can lead to developing pride and arrogance as a mask for underlying insecurities.
- Proud insecurity is characterized by a significant gap between external appearances and internal feelings of inadequacy.
- To mitigate proud insecurity, entrepreneurs should focus on authentic self-assessment and seek feedback from trusted mentors.
- Developing a growth mindset, where failures and challenges are seen as opportunities for learning, can help bridge the gap between perception and reality.
4. 🏢 The Collective Impact of Faking It
- Faking it leads to increased tension, stress, and anxiety, causing exhaustion and wasted effort.
- Energy is wasted on managing image, overanalyzing situations, and covering up flaws.
- The cumulative effect of an organization where everyone is faking it results in slow progress and unmet expectations.
- An entire community faking it can lead to chaos, as the practice is counterproductive.
- In personal contexts, faking it drains mental resources that could otherwise be directed towards genuine self-improvement.
- Within organizations, the practice limits innovation and results in inefficiencies, as employees focus more on appearance than actual performance.
- Case studies show that organizations promoting authenticity experience higher employee satisfaction and productivity compared to those where faking it is prevalent.
5. 🌟 Embracing Humble Confidence
- Humble confidence combines humility with confidence, which are complementary traits that support each other.
- This approach helps avoid the pitfalls of proud insecurity, which can be destructive in personal and professional contexts.
- Rick Warren's insight highlights that humility involves thinking of oneself less, which alleviates the pressure of image management.
- A key behavior of humble confidence is the willingness to say 'I don't know,' promoting authenticity and inviting collaboration.
- Leaders who embrace this behavior foster a culture where team members feel valued and are encouraged to contribute solutions.
6. 🤔 Admitting 'I Don't Know' as a Strength
- Saying 'I don't know' more often is a habit of humble confidence, encouraging openness to new information and growth.
- Confidence should be reoriented from self-esteem, which is unreliable, to self-efficacy, which is based on a realistic assessment of one's capabilities.
- Self-esteem is an emotional feeling of self-worth and can be volatile, while self-efficacy is a stable belief in one's ability to succeed based on past experiences and resources.
- Dr. Roger Hall advises reflecting on past successful transitions to boost self-efficacy, illustrating the practical application of this concept.
- For example, recalling a past career change can reinforce one’s belief in managing new challenges effectively.
7. 🔄 Reorienting Confidence from Answers to Capability
- Confidence should be drawn from the ability to find answers rather than having them.
- Emphasizes the importance of being a good learner and having the humility to admit lack of knowledge.
- Confidence is based on past experiences of learning and adapting, not on prior success in similar tasks.
- Encourages acknowledging potential mistakes and focusing on the capability to experiment and learn.
- Promotes the practice of saying 'I don't know' more often to foster a mindset of growth and learning.
8. 📉 Learning from Failures as Lessons
- Being open about sharing mistakes and reframing them as lessons learned can be a powerful approach.
- Tom Watson, founder of IBM, chose not to fire a salesperson after a million-dollar failure, seeing it as an investment in the employee's education rather than a loss.
- Failure can provide valuable wisdom, which should not be wasted by letting it benefit competitors.
- Personal entrepreneurial failures, even significant ones, can lead to valuable insights and growth.
- Hiding failures due to insecurity prevents oneself and others from gaining the wisdom they offer.
9. 💪 Embracing Humble Confidence Over Faking It
- Failure is only a true failure if nothing is learned from it.
- Humble confidence emphasizes the value of learning over the embarrassment of failure.
- Starting new ventures is seen as having two outcomes: succeeding or learning, both of which are positive.
- Humility involves ceasing to manage one's image and worrying less about others' opinions.
- Confidence is about believing in one's ability to learn and find answers, not having all the answers.
- Walking in humble confidence eliminates the need to 'fake it till you make it' and focuses on genuine progress.