The Holistic Psychologist - This is way more common than you think
The speaker addresses the issue of being an unwanted child, noting that 50% of children are unwanted, which can lead to lifelong emotional and psychological challenges. These challenges include feelings of unworthiness, loneliness, trust issues, and abandonment fears. The speaker explains that unwanted children often sense their mother's stress during pregnancy, which affects their development and emotional state. This lack of connection can result in difficulties in forming secure relationships and a tendency towards perfectionism or addictive behaviors in adulthood. The speaker emphasizes that these feelings are not the child's fault but stem from the parents' circumstances and capacity to love. The video encourages open conversations to reduce stigma and highlights the possibility of healing and forming secure relationships despite past experiences.
Key Points:
- 50% of children are unwanted, leading to lifelong emotional impacts.
- Unwanted children often sense maternal stress, affecting their development.
- Common adult issues include loneliness, trust issues, and perfectionism.
- Feelings of unworthiness stem from parents' inability to provide love.
- Healing and secure relationships are possible despite past experiences.
Details:
1. The Unwanted Child: A Hidden Struggle 👶
1.1. Understanding Unwanted Children
1.2. Personal and Societal Perspectives
2. The Impact of Unplanned Pregnancies 🤰
- Planned pregnancy mothers often have a support system, feel excited, and are more attuned to their baby's emotional needs, leading to better bonding.
- Unplanned pregnancy mothers may experience stress from financial or relationship issues, leading to higher cortisol levels and difficulty bonding with their baby.
- Babies can sense stress from their mothers even before birth, which may affect their emotional development.
- Mothers with unplanned pregnancies may struggle with patience, consistency, and emotional attunement, potentially leading to harsh or rejecting behavior.
- These mothers may focus more on physical than emotional needs and have difficulty regulating their own stress and emotions.
- Unplanned pregnancy mothers may struggle to show affection, give encouragement, or provide supportive love, resulting in children feeling tolerated rather than cherished.
3. Emotional Consequences in Adulthood 💔
- Adults often experience loneliness, trust issues, and abandonment issues, reflecting a lack of belief in being lovable for who they are.
- There is a tendency to anticipate rejection or abandonment by others, leading to intense insecurities that can be crippling and immobilizing.
- Skepticism towards others' intentions can escalate to paranoia, impacting relationship dynamics by causing self-sabotage or preemptive withdrawal.
- Persistent feelings of dread or anticipation of negative events are common, described as 'waiting for the other shoe to drop.'
- Anger can be internalized, leading to self-hate, or externalized, causing chronic anger towards others and the world.
- To cope, individuals might develop addictive behaviors such as substance use, gambling, shopping, or overeating, as ways to numb loneliness and pain.
- Perfectionism emerges as a strategy to earn love and validation, with the belief that being perfect will make them lovable.
- A deep-rooted sense of shame pervades, with beliefs of being inherently broken, unworthy, and unlovable.